Battle Scars


Time to spill. Think it's time I address a big part of who I am that I've kept in the dark for most of my life. Tomorrow I will be undergoing my 5th hip surgery for my hip dysplasia. Yeah, more than blows to say the least. When I found out I needed another operation I was numb. I felt so use to receiving that news I wasn't affected the same way this time around. I wasn't ready to disappear for two or three months and keep it in the background as much as possible like I usually did. I suddenly was ready to use my story and not give a single flying fart in space how it made anyone perceive me. I didn't hide it because I was ashamed, I am quite proud of my battle scars and have had no problem telling people what's up if they ask, but I began to realize I was hiding my recovery process because I didn't want to be seen as weak, less than, broken. I didn't want my condition to define what I was and wasn't capable of, and bring attention to what made me feel unfortunate. However, after having to go through so many of these, I see myself as capable and strong. I do not feel weak, I feel powerful and beautifully scarred with tattoos, souvenirs, of my monsters I have faced and defeated. Some might think I am using my story to just have something to blog about, and maybe even some of you will even think this is somehow for attention. I can assure you if I wanted attention I would have shared this a looooooong friggin time ago. I chose to be vulnerable about it to hopefully help someone going through something similar or just provide motivation for anyone who wants to follow along this journey with me. I have learned so much I feel like I could write a book, so I would love to pass on the knowledge. I never felt that the chronic pain I was going through every day was important enough to discuss. It's almost as if I felt unworthy of being in pain because there were people in the world going through way worse. Chronic pain is not something to go through alone if you don't have to, and I want to be there for anyone who needs to be heard. Having to deal with daily pains that maybe most people around you don't deal with can make it a lonely road. Your pain is worthy, don't hold back whatever it is that is aching because you feel you don't deserve to be heard. God has given you a story. To keep in the dark would be a shame for those lives you were meant to change. Prayers would be extremely appreciated as I am beginning to wigg out over here knowing it's tomorrow!!!! Bahhhhhhh!!! Alright. I'm putting on the armor. Let's go to battle. Ephesians 6:13-20 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14 Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. 16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 17 and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, 19 and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.


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